ABOUT THIS EXTRAORDINARILY RARE FM ANTENNA: • Balances your personal chi as well as the FM spectrum’s bio-energy for better sound. • Optimizes your brain's alpha wave activity and your FM tuner’s performance for better sound. • Will bring your inner self into balance when listening to your FM tuner. • You will realize an overall greater sense of well being listening to your FM tuner through a Mpingo wood antenna. • Mpingo wood provides an all-natural barrier to IBOC and all digital radio broadcasts – Mpingo actually filters out the bad-sounding digits and bad-sounding electrons and only allows good-sounding analog electrons to be sent to your FM tuner. SPECIFICATIONS: • Frequency Range: 88.1 - 107.9 MHz • Impedance: 300 Ohms (matching Mpingo wood balun transformer included) • Average Gain: 150 dBd • Avg. F/B Ratio: 300 dB • Boom Length: 127" • Turning Radius: 57.5" • Elements: Many - All Natural • Shipping (CONUS): $999.95 • No returns/exchanges on outdoor antennas. WHAT IS MPINGO? Now, you are most likely asking yourself what exactly is Mpingo wood? The small, unassuming Mpingo tree (see picture below) conceals one of the most sought-after and valuable heartwoods in the world. Stripping away the yellowish grey sapwood reveals the deep purple to brownish black core, this wood is extremely resistant and durable and is known variously as African blackwood, African ebony, 'poyi' and (in Swahili) as 'Mpingo.' This tree is small and heavily branched, the trunk is seldom straight and many stems may be present; the rough bark is grey with many fissures, and the branches have small spines. Leaves are up to 22 centimetres long and carry small, oval-shaped leaflets. In season, the branches of the Mpingo tree are adorned with tiny, white, sweetly-smelling flowers born as clusters on inflorescences, which may reach 12 centimetres in length. The seedpods of this tree are flattened oblong cases that are roughly pointed, and contain one or two seeds. Mpingo is the Swahili name for Dalbergia melanoxylon, the East African Blackwood. The trees have a scruffy appearance and are frequently multi-stemmed and extensively branched. They grow very slowly and often in very gnarled and twisted shapes. Harvestable size is not reached until an estimated 70 to 100 years. Mature trees are typically between 4.5m and 7.5m high, with an average girth of 1.2m. The yellowish-brown bark on the main stem flakes off in long strips, while smaller branches bear sharp spines 2-3cm in length. The Mpingo tree is semi-deciduous of course, losing many of its leaves over the dry season in common with most trees of its habitat. The flowers are small, white, sweetly scented and grow in tight clusters. They develop into greyish, papery pods each containing one or two seeds which are wind dispersed. Mpingo is known by many different names in Tanzania: African Blackwood (English) • Mpingo (Swahili) • Pau preto (Portuguese) • Grenadilla (trade name) • Zebrawood (trade name) • Mugembe (from its use as a hoe). Other names the Mpingo tree is known by include Poyi, Endisika, Kidamo, Kinti, Masojanda, Mgembya, Mhembote, Mhingo, Minday, Mupako, Mwajinde, Ngembi, Nyamfunga, Oitlaska, Q'oya, Tamumo mhembete. HOW IS MPINGO PROCESSED? The processing of Mpingo is an extremely dangerous undertaking. The few live Mpingo trees in existence grow about 100 miles in the middle of nowhere near the village of Mchinga in the Lindi region of Southeast Tanzania. An exceedingly fierce tribe of Bantu Pygmy (see a picture of them below) live in the area where these few trees grow and the tribe protects them with their lives because they worship these trees as their Supreme Deity. Every year some Korean and other audiophile manufacturers from the Far East make an annual pilgrimage to this area in search of Mpingo wood. The Koreans generally prevail in the ensuing firefight with the Bantu Pygmys because their elite Shun Moon Schlock Troops are heavily armed with Russian Groza OC-14 assault rifles with grenade launchers. The Shun Moon Schlock Troops always manage to terminate (using solid silver slugs, of course) enough of the Bantu Pygmy’s to snatch a branch or two from one of the Mpingo trees. But the Shun Moon Schlock Troops do sustain heavy losses themselves: Payments to the grieving families back home require that very high prices be charged for the Shun Moon Schlock Mpingo products they are able to manufacture from the few precious pieces of Mpingo wood they are able to steal. We procure the wood we need for our Mpingo analog antennae in a different manner: We negotiate directly with the witchdoctor of the Pygmy Bantu tribe. Mpingo trees grow best when fertilized with human blood, and because the Mpingo tree produces audiophile wood, it really prefers to be fertilized with the blood from an audiophile. We have learned from long experience Mpingo trees really thrive when fed the blood from a fat white male audiophile who prefers SET’s and horns. The witchdoctor tells us that sacrifices from lovers of SET’s and horns results in Mpingo trees with smoother, less harsh and less angular foliage. And we know that the fat white guy that fertilizes the trees each year feels no pain: When you get an SET and horn lover this close to such an immense quantity of Mpingo wood, they fall unconscious because they are in such a blissful state of harmonic ecstasy and besides, the circular polarization of the Mpingo wood’s electrons suppresses all thoughts of fear and negativity in fat white audiophiles. We’ve even observed in the last few years that the Mpingo tree even renders iPods and MP3 players useless as the wood's electrons don’t like digital media and Mpingo wood actually neuters digital electrons by turning them into neutrons. And we have no shortage of volunteers demanding to accompany us on our annual trip for Mpingo wood: We tell the lucky stiff we pick they will have access to a virtually unlimited supply of Mpingo wood for the rest of their life and they will pay nothing out of their wallet. Since these audiophiles are always looking for the best deal on the Internet and eBay, they leap at this opportunity. And we don’t misrepresent our promise to them: We make certain a body part is planted next to the roots of every Mpingo tree after the Pygmy Bantu have drained them of their blood. Anyway, after we have delivered our “payment” to the witchdoctor, we have our pick of the best part of the Mpingo tree from which to cut an analog FM antenna to bring back for our annual auction. HOW IS THE ANTENNA MANUFACTURED? When I begin the manufacture of each year's Mpingo analog FM antenna I first treat it with a proprietary process that gives the antenna a unique property to regulate the resonance of any sonic component and its transmission, and to reject all IBOC and other digital signals. This works down to the cellular level of the wood and yes, it even works down to the sub-atomic level so the electrons that are stimulated by analog FM signals remain in blissful harmony. Another unique feature of the Mpingo FM antenna involves what happens to it when wind hits it: Whenever the Mpingo FM antenna is excited by any external physical or acoustic energy, it will resonate throughout the entire audible spectrum, thus overriding unwanted harmonic distortions and at the same enriching the musical reproduction of your FM tuner. When you purchase this Mpingo Antenna, it will be gently taken from our special environmentally-controlled biohazard-proof pyramidal-shaped positive karma-concentration storage room. I can assure you when packing it I will wear a full biohazard suit guaranteed to be sterilized both on the inside as well as on the outside. The Mpingo antenna will be shipped in a contamination-free airtight aluminum coffin and soothingly placed onto the coffin’s satin pillows. We have found that shipping it in a coffin guarantees a safe arrival and you have the added bonus of being able to use the shipping container for your own personal departure! I also want you to know the tribe of over 500 fierce Bantu warriors in Tanzania as well as a team of 50 stateside employees inspected your antenna, picked the wood larvae and ticks and leeches and other little critters off it and polished it with additional coats of the exceedingly rare Mpingo wood oil (20W-50W to be exact) to make sure it was in the best possible condition before shipping. We also place individually hand-carved “Shakra Zulu” crystals around your Mpingo antenna inside the aluminum-shipping container so as to maintain its positive karmic charge and to keep any electrons from digital radio broadcasts from contaminating your antenna during shipment. ARE WE CAREFUL WHEN WE SHIP? On the momentous day your antenna will be shipped to you, our chief Shaolin Monk packing specialist from Beijing will light a candle and a hush will fall over the crowd of slack-jawed truckers at the Overnight terminal when he places the coffin containing your Mpingo antenna into the finest gold-lined Overnight trailer that money can buy. And if any of the truckers at the freight terminal exhibit even the slightest bit of disrespect during the shipping ceremony, the Monk has been instructed to immediately dispatch the offender to the great shipping terminal in the sky. Afterwards, we will have a wonderful celebration and the entire party will march down the driveway to the entrance of the freight terminal where the entire town of West Jefferson, North Carolina will wave 'Bon Voyage!' to your shipment, on its way to you, in its private shipping container. I hope you will have had a wonderful time shopping from the “Cisco-Wizard.” We sure enjoy making one of these antenna available each year for auction. And, if you are the lucky bidder, as soon as you email us a photo, your picture will go up on our wall as 'Customer of the Year'. We're all exhausted but we cannot wait for you to come back to us 365 days from now for the next exquisite item we will put up for auction!! Thank you once again, Cisco-Wizard